Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I think I sprained my soul last night
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
