jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
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