Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
