my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
