At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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