Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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