Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
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