Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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