This girl is more easily done than said...
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Randomize
