If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
