If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Houston, we have a blender
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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