some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize