Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
