I murdered the dance floor call the cops
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
All the doctor said was why
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
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