I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Randomize
