took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
