She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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