The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Randomize
