you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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