operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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