Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
