Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
How does one acquire holy water?
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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