16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
