I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
