After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
