I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
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