highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
