I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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