i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Randomize
