I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
