I looked at my own cervix.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
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