You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
