Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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