i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
