He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
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The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
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He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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