Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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