And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
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