OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
