I wish I could teleport
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I just want nice things and good sex
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
