good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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