when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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