11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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