i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
