I'm going to rape someone's good day.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
