Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
