I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
