When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize