Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
