She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
