so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Randomize
