I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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