Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
