chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
They have beer where we have blood.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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