my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Randomize
