as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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