make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
