If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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