please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
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My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
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Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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