You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize