This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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