If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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