and you said cock pushups were impossible
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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