I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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