The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
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Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
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Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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