I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
