Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Randomize
