We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
