My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
