I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
