You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
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