Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Randomize
