So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
