Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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