i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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