96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
