I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
