OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
you made out with another girl for some wings
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize
