Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
