Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
This is my gift to your gina
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
