What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
