As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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