Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
