Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
No...this little piggys going to the bar
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
